“Real” (non-clinical) depression as unpleasant feeling and mental proliferation: a note to myself

Oh, this feeling is something “real”. This is an exception from all the other things observed in practice. This passion; this irritation; this vertigo is actual and unconditioned. Other feelings are fleeting and impermanent, but THIS feeling is true!…

Get over your”self” you phony practitioner; you hypocrite of hypnosis; you masquerading meditator; you absolutely contradictory Aspiring Contemplative.

This feeling is no different than the sense of sitting, the feeling of breathing, or the phenomena of sound and thought. It is an arisen and temporary factor of mind – despite its resulting discomfort, which is, in and of itself, a passing fluctuation on the surface of the Infinite Way.

See the shadows and flames at play in this game. Be aware of the folds of time separating one moment of “aversion-consciousness-arising” and another… maybe even direct the intention of mind toward a different emergence of “phenomenal reality”.

This game, this trick, will NOT go away. It is transient and impermanent, but the possibility of its arising will never cease (at least not yet). There is a choice of habit to be made in every infinitesimal moment of mind: be still and know (Ps. 46)

Christ is the consciousness of knowing the God of mystery and luminous darkness as within and surrounding the space of awareness in our experience.

Satan is a chosen unconsciousness (not unconsciousness itself): an unwillingness to awaken to the depth of joy in a moment of sorrow or opening one’s eyes to the bottomless suffering in an instant of bliss. All preference should be released. Turn away (metanoia: repent)from the conditions of willful ignorance (hamartia: sin).

Do this always (Mark 14, Luke 22, 1Corinthians 11). Do not let the thoughts of effort interfere with the way of seeing the Way in everything.

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